The Wrestlemania 29 Drinking Game

I've always said that if you're going to watch pro wrestling, it helps to be either drunk or on something. So if you're looking to add a little more excitement to your Wrasslemania 29 party this Sunday, I've got you covered. 

Presenting: The 29 Drinking Rules for Wrestlemania 29!

1) Drink for all 2 counts.
2) 3 second drink for a 3 count.
3) The Hogan vs. Andre Rule: Drink for a classic body slam.
4) The Ric Flair Rule: Drink for foul play (grabbing the tights, feet on the ropes, thumb to the eye, weapons, interference, anything Flair would do).
5) Drink if someone executes their finishing move (or their opponent's).
6) Do a shot for a new champion.
7) Do a shot if someone gets slammed through the announce table.
8) Do a shot if someone turns heel or face. Double shot if Cena turns heel.
9) Waterfall for any bloodshed.
10) The Macho Man Memorial Rule: Drink for outrageous ring gear.
11) Drink for a botch.
12) Drink for all top rope moves.
13) Drink for all DDTs.
14) Drink every time someone smashes into the ring post or ring steps.
15) Drink for a ref bump.
16) Drink for pyrotechnics.
17) Drink for a celebrity guest.
18) Drink for old wrestlers.
19) Waterfall for a shitty backstage comedy bit.
20) Waterfall for a live musical performance.
21) The Edge's Tears Memorial Rule: Do a shot if one of the WWE Hall of Fame inductees cries.
22) Drink for any Wrestlemania cliche uttered by the commentary team ("The Grandest Stage/Grandaddy of Them All," "The Showcase of the Immortals," "Bigger than the Superbowl," etc.).
23) Do a shot if Vince McMahon makes an appearance.
24) Do a shot if JR makes an appearance.
25) Do a shot if Brock Lesnar breaks someone's arm.
26) Drink for racism.
27) Drink if the New York crowd resorts to vulgarity.
28) Waterfall if it starts raining or snowing during the show.
29) Drugs must be done during CM Punk's entrance (If you don't do drugs, do a shot). 

Follow these rules and you'll probably be blackout drunk before the main event. Because who wants to remember shelling out 70 bucks for pro wrestling, right? Enjoy!

The Vault Seriously 100% For Real Mourns The Macho Man Randy Savage. Am I Super Sad Right Now? OHHH YEAHHHH! :(

If you were a kid (or even alive) during the 1980s, you lost a hero today. The Macho Man Randy Savage has died. Madness! Randy Savage was one of the greatest pro wrestlers of all time pro wrestling made flesh and the real-life, non-Dos-Equis-commercial version of The Most Interesting Man in the World. He has been a fake fighter, shilled beef jerky, released a rap album, been in the Danger Zone, was Space Ghost's grandfather, got bitten by a snake on national television, and battled Spider-Man in a steel cage, among many other things few mortal men would dare dream about. And yet apparently, despite appearances, he was simply that - a mortal man. There will never be a more bombastically awesome human being on the face of this planet, and he will be truly missed.

Apocalypse predictors: I hope you get your wish in a few months (or tomorrow, whenever the current trendy doomsday prediction happens to be), because frankly a world without The Macho Man Randy Savage is a lot less worth living in. And if the world doesn't end - well we all know who to thank for sacrificing himself to save us.

The Vault Mourns Giant Gonzalez

The colorful world of pro graps lost a legend last week in Jorge "Giant" Gonzalez, a man perhaps best known for being monstrously tall and wearing a furry full-body spandex suit airbrushed with muscles and a butt crack.

Although he left us at the all-too-young age of 44, Gonzalez is not just another tragic early wrestling death, done in as so many others have been by a steroid-enlarged heart tapping out after a (half) lifetime  of coke, booze, and freebasing enough pure dinosaur tranquilizer to kill God. Rather, he seems to have died because he was simply too big for this world. Also, diabetes.