Here it is! The long-awaited continuation of the Vault's ReCrap of everyone's favorite 1996 anti-hit action TV series The Adventures of Sinbad. Back in the day, this show was just one of the slew of garbage live action fantasy shows on TV, so it got lost in the shuffle. But now, it's the perfect turd to wax nostalgic over.
While obviously a piece of crap, the show is surprisingly watchable. You get the sense that the show knows it sucks - just maybe not how bad it sucks. Combine that with its charmingly racist choice of fantasy setting and the worst special effects budget in history, and the end result is pretty satisfying for fans of terrible TV and shit cinema like me.
So get ready for an exhaustive play-by-play and an inappropriate amount of Sinbad gifs!
Here's part one if you missed it. If you're all caught up, let's get right on down to more high seas hijinks in "Return of Sinbad" Part II!
Nothing says "late 90s" like a shitty low-budget action fantasy TV show. The hammy performances. The cheesy costumes. The horribly choreographed fight scenes. The sub-PlayStation-caliber CGI. The essence of the halcyon days of my youth.
I know a lot of people look back fondly on Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: The Warrior Princess, but that's because those shows actually had some talent behind them. I'll still catch the occasional Hercules rerun on Boom and enjoy the hell out of it. Even their less successful Action Pack siblings - Cleopatra 2525 (a strong contender for worst theme song of all time) and the criminally underrated Bruce Campbell vehicle Jack of All Trades -
had their charms.
But what really brings me spinning like a chakram back to that magical era of Edgardo Alfonzo at second base are the really crappy specimens. BeastMaster. Highlander: The Series. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World (exceptionally foxy female cast notwithstanding). Mortal Kombat: Konquest.
Tarzan: The Epic Adventures. And of course, the absolute shittiest of them all.
The Adventures of Sinbad!
I've always said that if you're going to watch pro wrestling, it helps to be either drunk or on something. So if you're looking to add a little more excitement to your Wrasslemania 29 party this Sunday, I've got you covered.
Presenting: The 29 Drinking Rules for Wrestlemania 29!
1) Drink for all 2 counts.
2) 3 second drink for a 3 count.
3) The Hogan vs. Andre Rule: Drink for a classic body slam.
4) The Ric Flair Rule:
Drink for foul play (grabbing the tights, feet on the ropes, thumb to
the eye, weapons, interference, anything Flair would do).
5) Drink if someone executes their finishing move (or their opponent's).
6) Do a shot for a new champion.
7) Do a shot if someone gets slammed through the announce table.
8) Do a shot if someone turns heel or face. Double shot if Cena turns heel.
9) Waterfall for any bloodshed.
10) The Macho Man Memorial Rule: Drink for outrageous ring gear.
11) Drink for a botch.
12) Drink for all top rope moves.
13) Drink for all DDTs.
14) Drink every time someone smashes into the ring post or ring steps.
15) Drink for a ref bump.
16) Drink for pyrotechnics.
17) Drink for a celebrity guest.
18) Drink for old wrestlers.
19) Waterfall for a shitty backstage comedy bit.
20) Waterfall for a live musical performance.
21) The Edge's Tears Memorial Rule: Do a shot if one of the WWE Hall of Fame inductees cries.
22) Drink for any Wrestlemania cliche uttered by the commentary team ("The Grandest Stage/Grandaddy of Them All," "The Showcase of the Immortals," "Bigger than the Superbowl," etc.).
23) Do a shot if Vince McMahon makes an appearance.
24) Do a shot if JR makes an appearance.
25) Do a shot if Brock Lesnar breaks someone's arm.
26) Drink for racism.
27) Drink if the New York crowd resorts to vulgarity.
28) Waterfall if it starts raining or snowing during the show.
29) Drugs must be done during CM Punk's entrance (If you don't do drugs, do a shot).
Follow these rules and you'll probably be blackout drunk before the main event. Because who wants to remember shelling out 70 bucks for pro wrestling, right? Enjoy!
